Britannia Radio

Paul McCartney Tells Islam To Stick Its Death Threats Up Its Bum



Then buzz it up
September 18th, 2008 at 17:00 by Stuart Heritage

Paul McCartney’s concert in Israel next week could be his last - and not because he’ll soil himself getting to the high note in Hey Jude and retire out of shame.
No, instead, the concert in Israel could be Paul McCartney’s last because a gang of Islamic extremists are running around telling everyone that they’re going to kill him if he follows through with his plan to play there.
However, Paul McCartney has shown admirable strength of character by refusing to bow to these religious fanatics. In fact, if anything this death threat has just strengthened Paul McCartney’s resolve - not only will he play the concert in Israel, but he’s even going to turn it into a live album, entitled Paul McCartney Live Behind Six Inches Of Reinforced Plexiglass Inside A Sealed Lead Box Surrounded By Several Bodyguards And At Least A Couple Of Tanks.
You know what offends Islamic fundamentalists the most about the west? No, it’s not our consumerist lifestyles, our swaggering cultural dominance or our free and easy attitudes to sex and stimulants - it’s the bloody Frog Song.
Seriously, al Qaeda didn’t even exist until Paul McCartney wrote The Frog Song. There they were, Osama bin Laden, Ayman al-Zawahiri and Abu Hamza, all sitting round the kitchen table discussing the Pauly Shore movie Biodome when - bam! - all of a sudden The Frog Song by Paul McCartney came on the radio and everyone more or less instantly decided to bring western civilisation to its knees. True story.
Since then, the terrorists have been determined to finish Paul McCartney off, and now it looks like they might have their chance. Next Thursday Paul McCartney is going to play a concert in Tel Aviv, which would be fine except for all the Islamic extremists carping on about killing him if he does. But, as The New York Times reports, McCartney is unbowed:
Paul McCartney has refused to cancel his concert in Israel, despite threats from Islamic militants, the Israeli newspaper Haaretz reported. The response follows comments made by Omar Bakri Muhammad, a militant Lebanese Islamic activist, in an interview. Mr. Bakri said, “If he values his life, Mr. McCartney must not come to Israel… He will not be safe there. The sacrifice operatives will be waiting for him.”
Oh God, this is worse than we thought. Paul McCartney is relevant again. Ugh.
Anyway, it’s absolutely right that Paul McCartney should play on in Israel despite the death threats. If he can see off threats from Gordon Ramsay he can definitely see off threats from organised terrorist groups. You know what they say - if Israelis aren’t being charged through the nose to listen to an old man with a face like a ruptured hot water bottle sing a load of 40-year-old songs in a way that can’t even come close to replicating the original versions before being relentlessly hounded to buy an overpriced programme and tour T-shirt then the terrorists have won.
Actually, Paul McCartney should be safe, because terrorism experts have already dismissed the death threats as not credible. For some reason the Islamic activists sort of went off the idea of blowing up Paul McCartney’s car with a mortar as soon as they realised that he’d divorced Heather Mills and she wouldn’t be coming with him. Funny that.
Anyway, let’s just hope that Paul McCartney remains safe duing his time in Israel. Not because we care about him or anything, but with John Lennon already shot andGeorge Harrison already stabbed, can you imagine what an obnoxious bigheadRingo Starr would turn into if Paul McCartney got blown up by a terrorist and he was the last one left?
God, it’d be unbearable.