Zippo the Clown and the Trumpet Taliban
25th September 2008
Richard Littlejohn
Some years ago, after trapeze artists on a tour of Britain with the
Moscow State Circus were ordered to wear crash helmets by the
elf’n’safety nazis at Haringey Council, this column speculated about
what other indignities would soon be imposed upon performers in the Big
Top.
I imagined them being forced to lay the tightrope on the ground, so that
no one would ever fall off.
Jugglers would have to wear hard hats, and lion-taming wouldn’t be able
to survive the animal rights zealots.
Littlejohn
Put your funny shoes on Zippo, you're nicked
I also wondered where elf’n’safety stood on the hazard presented by
flying custard pies. As usual, this was only half in jest.
A few months later, 70 clowns held a mass meeting at Zippo’s Circus in
Blackheath, South London, over fears that they could be sued if they
continued throwing custard pies and buckets of water at the audience.
Which only served to prove, yet again, that you couldn’t make it up.
After that, it all went quiet on the circus front. Until now.
Zippo’s is back in the news this week after falling foul of both the
animal rights brigade
and Birmingham City Council.
In Yorkshire, something calling itself the Sheffield Animal Friends has
tried to get the circus shut down on the grounds of cruelty to ‘exotic’
animals.
For the record, Zippo’s has four horses, three ponies, a dozen budgies
and a Jack Russell. It doesn’t get more exotic than that. Anyway,
Zippo’s has been held up as a model of animal welfare.
And has anyone bothered asking the budgies if they’re being exploited?
I’d have thought it was more fun being in a circus than cooped up in a
cage all day.
When Zippo’s set up in Birmingham, half an hour before the show was to
start, plans for the grand finale had to be revised after intervention
by a council official.
Three clowns - Nicol, Michael and Pappa - normally introduce themselves
with a trumpet blast. In the build-up to the climax, Nicol sounds three
notes on a tuba, which
then explodes and lands, horn down, on one of the other clowns’ heads,
while Nicol simultaneously blows a puff of smoke out of his backside.
More from Richard Littlejohn...
* RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: These three spivs have brought us the morality
of the souk
22/09/08
* RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: This time we last year Del, we WERE
millionaires
18/09/08
* RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Jackboot Jacqui brings back the ducking stool
15/09/08
* RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Singing la-la-la won't make these jihadists go
away
11/09/08
* RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Spare us the sob story, Gordon, we don't care
08/09/08
* LITTLEJOHN: A pistol-packin' Looby Loo: the Left's worst nightmare
04/09/08
* RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Mayday, Mayday, Brown Hawk Down!
01/09/08
* RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Jackboot Jacqui's a Nazi piece of work
28/08/08
* VIEW FULL ARCHIVE
So far, so harmless. But the council official ruled that if Zippo’s
insisted on including trumpets and the exploding tuba, then the show
could not go on.
Use of musical instruments meant it would be classified as a ‘live
musical performance’, and would therefore be in breach of licensing
regulations.
Going ahead without a licence would mean the circus facing a fine of
£1,000.
Reluctantly, Martin Burton - who doubles as Zippo the Clown and
proprietor of the circus - dropped the music and the show went on in
silence. H
e was even ordered not to play a recording of flamenco music during the
act.
‘I’m a big fan of silent comedy, but this is ridiculous,’ said Martin.
He thought that he’d been given a clean bill of health by the local
authority before the circus even came to town.
Some circuses have closed for good, rather than comply with the new
licensing rules.
But Martin believes in negotiation to keep the show on the road. He’d
already had lengthy discussions in advance with Birmingham’s
elf’n’safety department.
There was a problem over whether skipping on a tightrope was dancing, or
walking. Dance is classed as regulated entertainment and must be
licensed, but you don’t need a licence to walk - not yet, at least.
In the end - after what, in my days covering the unions, we used to call
a free and frank exchange of views, meaningful negotiation, and taking
due cognisance of all the facts - it was agreed that tightrope skipping
does not constitute dancing within the meaning of the Act.
Another potential conflict arose over the resident Jack Russell, name of
Clopsky, who leaps in the air and lands on the feet of a German acrobat
performing a handstand.
Here, the debate centred not on the cruelty to Clopsky, but on whether
the acrobat could be considered to be taking part in professional sport,
which would also require a licence, application in triplicate, three
months’ notice, non-refundable fee payable in advance, etc.
Having seen the rehearsal, the council kindly withdrew its objections,
deciding that said acrobat was unlikely to feature in the 2012 Olympics
and therefore did not qualify as a professional sportsman.
After that, Zippo thought he’d been given the all-clear. But although
he’d squared elf’n’safety, he hadn’t reckoned on the last-minute ambush
by the Trumpet Taliban - who, needless to say, come under a different
department.
Jacqui Kennedy, who describes herself as director of regulatory services
at Birmingham City Council, defended the decision to halt the music.
‘Under the Licensing Act 2003, elements of the programme proposed by
Zippo’s would fall into the category of regulated entertainment, and
such events would require either a licence under the Act or a temporary
event notice.’
I bet she’s a laugh a minute at the Christmas party. If ever a woman
needed a custard pie in her face...
Where do they find these people?
Stupid question - they find them in the jobs pages of the Guardian.
When Gordon Brown boasts about ‘investing in public services’, this is
what he has really spent all those billions of taxpayers’ money on.
When he brags about record numbers of people in employment, remind
yourself there’s another 800,000 of these gormless jobsworths on the
public payroll under Labour, clogging up Town Halls and government
offices all over Britain.
Our council tax has doubled under Labour to pay for all this madness.
While the streets are unswept and the rubbish rots uncollected, there’s
no problem finding 50 grand a year to pay a madwoman to adjudicate on
whether or not a Jack Russell standing on the feet of an acrobat doing a
handstand requires a licence.
There’s no shortage of money, either, to hire some humourless
Guardianista to threaten to prosecute a circus because a clown playing
an exploding tuba is classified as a ‘live musical performance’ and
therefore in breach of subsection II; clause VI; paragraph XVII;
pursuant to the Licensing Act of 2003.
I’m only surprised that when he blew smoke out of his backside, he
didn’t trigger a raid by the paramilitary wing of the council’s smoking
cessation unit.
Send in the clowns? Don’t bother, they’re here.
So tell us something we don’t know
One of the joys of watching politics from outside the bubble is seeing
‘serious’ commentators - especially those on the Left - tie themselves
in knots.
It’s only a year since Pole Dance Polly and the gang were hailing Gordon
as the New Messiah and praising his ‘government of all the talents’ to
the high heavens.
Now they’ve decided Gordy is a dead man walking and they’re demanding an
emergency Cabinet reshuffle.
Before the Labour conference, they invested all their intellectual
energy and influence bigging up the Boy Miliband - who, predictably,
fell flat on his face.
But, then, readers of this column weren’t in the least bit surprised.
Over the past 12 months, the commentariat have called just about
everything wrong - from the character of the Prime Minister to the
‘inevitability’ of him calling an early election.
Stick with your Uncle Rich.
* If we decided 25 years ago that governments shouldn’t be running
industries, then why the hell have we sold the lion’s share of our
energy industry to a company owned by the French government?
Still, given that Gordon signed away our national sovereignty to
Brussels without a referendum, it’s hardly surprising he thinks we
should pay our electricity bills in euros.
Oooh, Sarah, I’ve had a bit of trouble
Interviewed in Manchester, my old mate Charlie Whelan said it was only a
pity that Gordon Brown’s speech to conference hadn’t been broadcast on
prime-time television.
In America, the networks show the big convention speeches in the evening
and attract large audiences.
Gordon’s former bagman thought we should do the same here.
Be careful what you wish for, old son.
Imagine the outcry if Coronation Street or Strictly Come Dancing were
sidelined to make way for Gordon.
Having stuck with my tried-and-trusted policy of covering conferences
from as far away as possible, I glazed over about five minutes into the
speech before turning the sound off and wandering into the kitchen to
make a cup of coffee.
It didn’t look much better on mute, so I started switching channels.
Gordon was up against Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em, on UK Gold.
If you want to see some accident-prone retard, 30 years out of date,
stumbling from one fiasco to another, Frank Spencer wins hands down.
It’s good news week
And finally, ITV says it will have to drop local news bulletins. It
can't afford its 'public service' commitments.
Frankly, regional news on both BBC and ITV is a disgrace - consisting of
on-the-cheap, lazy rehashes of stories nicked out of the newspapers,
free puffs for movies, or a contrived 'local' angle on something in the
news nationally or internationally.
In London, 'news' always seems to involve either another tedious report
on 'racism' or a youth with gelled hair in an open-necked shirt reading
out the latest press release from City Hall.
The days when local TV newsrooms were staffed by proper reporters with
real news-gathering experience are long gone.
If they're not back at the same time tomorrow, no one will miss them.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1062292/LITTLEJOHN-Zippo-Clown-
Trumpet-Taliban.html
Some years ago, after trapeze artists on a tour of Britain with the
Moscow State Circus were ordered to wear crash helmets by the
elf’n’safety nazis at Haringey Council, this column speculated about
what other indignities would soon be imposed upon performers in the Big
Top.
I imagined them being forced to lay the tightrope on the ground, so that
no one would ever fall off.
Jugglers would have to wear hard hats, and lion-taming wouldn’t be able
to survive the animal rights zealots.
Littlejohn
Put your funny shoes on Zippo, you're nicked
I also wondered where elf’n’safety stood on the hazard presented by
flying custard pies. As usual, this was only half in jest.
A few months later, 70 clowns held a mass meeting at Zippo’s Circus in
Blackheath, South London, over fears that they could be sued if they
continued throwing custard pies and buckets of water at the audience.
Which only served to prove, yet again, that you couldn’t make it up.
After that, it all went quiet on the circus front. Until now.
Zippo’s is back in the news this week after falling foul of both the
animal rights brigade
and Birmingham City Council.
In Yorkshire, something calling itself the Sheffield Animal Friends has
tried to get the circus shut down on the grounds of cruelty to ‘exotic’
animals.
For the record, Zippo’s has four horses, three ponies, a dozen budgies
and a Jack Russell. It doesn’t get more exotic than that. Anyway,
Zippo’s has been held up as a model of animal welfare.
And has anyone bothered asking the budgies if they’re being exploited?
I’d have thought it was more fun being in a circus than cooped up in a
cage all day.
When Zippo’s set up in Birmingham, half an hour before the show was to
start, plans for the grand finale had to be revised after intervention
by a council official.
Three clowns - Nicol, Michael and Pappa - normally introduce themselves
with a trumpet blast. In the build-up to the climax, Nicol sounds three
notes on a tuba, which
then explodes and lands, horn down, on one of the other clowns’ heads,
while Nicol simultaneously blows a puff of smoke out of his backside.
More from Richard Littlejohn..
* RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: These three spivs have brought us the morality
of the souk
22/09/08
* RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: This time we last year Del, we WERE
millionaires
18/09/08
* RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Jackboot Jacqui brings back the ducking stool
15/09/08
* RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Singing la-la-la won't make these jihadists go
away
11/09/08
* RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Spare us the sob story, Gordon, we don't care
08/09/08
* LITTLEJOHN: A pistol-packin' Looby Loo: the Left's worst nightmare
04/09/08
* RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Mayday, Mayday, Brown Hawk Down!
01/09/08
* RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Jackboot Jacqui's a Nazi piece of work
28/08/08
* VIEW FULL ARCHIVE
So far, so harmless. But the council official ruled that if Zippo’s
insisted on including trumpets and the exploding tuba, then the show
could not go on.
Use of musical instruments meant it would be classified as a ‘live
musical performance’, and would therefore be in breach of licensing
regulations.
Going ahead without a licence would mean the circus facing a fine of
£1,000.
Reluctantly, Martin Burton - who doubles as Zippo the Clown and
proprietor of the circus - dropped the music and the show went on in
silence. H
e was even ordered not to play a recording of flamenco music during the
act.
‘I’m a big fan of silent comedy, but this is ridiculous,’ said Martin.
He thought that he’d been given a clean bill of health by the local
authority before the circus even came to town.
Some circuses have closed for good, rather than comply with the new
licensing rules.
But Martin believes in negotiation to keep the show on the road. He’d
already had lengthy discussions in advance with Birmingham’s
elf’n’safety department.
There was a problem over whether skipping on a tightrope was dancing, or
walking. Dance is classed as regulated entertainment and must be
licensed, but you don’t need a licence to walk - not yet, at least.
In the end - after what, in my days covering the unions, we used to call
a free and frank exchange of views, meaningful negotiation, and taking
due cognisance of all the facts - it was agreed that tightrope skipping
does not constitute dancing within the meaning of the Act.
Another potential conflict arose over the resident Jack Russell, name of
Clopsky, who leaps in the air and lands on the feet of a German acrobat
performing a handstand.
Here, the debate centred not on the cruelty to Clopsky, but on whether
the acrobat could be considered to be taking part in professional sport,
which would also require a licence, application in triplicate, three
months’ notice, non-refundable fee payable in advance, etc.
Having seen the rehearsal, the council kindly withdrew its objections,
deciding that said acrobat was unlikely to feature in the 2012 Olympics
and therefore did not qualify as a professional sportsman.
After that, Zippo thought he’d been given the all-clear. But although
he’d squared elf’n’safety, he hadn’t reckoned on the last-minute ambush
by the Trumpet Taliban - who, needless to say, come under a different
department.
Jacqui Kennedy, who describes herself as director of regulatory services
at Birmingham City Council, defended the decision to halt the music.
‘Under the Licensing Act 2003, elements of the programme proposed by
Zippo’s would fall into the category of regulated entertainment, and
such events would require either a licence under the Act or a temporary
event notice.’
I bet she’s a laugh a minute at the Christmas party. If ever a woman
needed a custard pie in her face...
Where do they find these people?
Stupid question - they find them in the jobs pages of the Guardian.
When Gordon Brown boasts about ‘investing in public services’, this is
what he has really spent all those billions of taxpayers’ money on.
When he brags about record numbers of people in employment, remind
yourself there’s another 800,000 of these gormless jobsworths on the
public payroll under Labour, clogging up Town Halls and government
offices all over Britain.
Our council tax has doubled under Labour to pay for all this madness.
While the streets are unswept and the rubbish rots uncollected, there’s
no problem finding 50 grand a year to pay a madwoman to adjudicate on
whether or not a Jack Russell standing on the feet of an acrobat doing a
handstand requires a licence.
There’s no shortage of money, either, to hire some humourless
Guardianista to threaten to prosecute a circus because a clown playing
an exploding tuba is classified as a ‘live musical performance’ and
therefore in breach of subsection II; clause VI; paragraph XVII;
pursuant to the Licensing Act of 2003.
I’m only surprised that when he blew smoke out of his backside, he
didn’t trigger a raid by the paramilitary wing of the council’s smoking
cessation unit.
Send in the clowns? Don’t bother, they’re here.
So tell us something we don’t know
One of the joys of watching politics from outside the bubble is seeing
‘serious’ commentators - especially those on the Left - tie themselves
in knots.
It’s only a year since Pole Dance Polly and the gang were hailing Gordon
as the New Messiah and praising his ‘government of all the talents’ to
the high heavens.
Now they’ve decided Gordy is a dead man walking and they’re demanding an
emergency Cabinet reshuffle.
Before the Labour conference, they invested all their intellectual
energy and influence bigging up the Boy Miliband - who, predictably,
fell flat on his face.
But, then, readers of this column weren’t in the least bit surprised.
Over the past 12 months, the commentariat have called just about
everything wrong - from the character of the Prime Minister to the
‘inevitability’ of him calling an early election.
Stick with your Uncle Rich.
* If we decided 25 years ago that governments shouldn’t be running
industries, then why the hell have we sold the lion’s share of our
energy industry to a company owned by the French government?
Still, given that Gordon signed away our national sovereignty to
Brussels without a referendum, it’s hardly surprising he thinks we
should pay our electricity bills in euros.
Oooh, Sarah, I’ve had a bit of trouble
Interviewed in Manchester, my old mate Charlie Whelan said it was only a
pity that Gordon Brown’s speech to conference hadn’t been broadcast on
prime-time television.
In America, the networks show the big convention speeches in the evening
and attract large audiences.
Gordon’s former bagman thought we should do the same here.
Be careful what you wish for, old son.
Imagine the outcry if Coronation Street or Strictly Come Dancing were
sidelined to make way for Gordon.
Having stuck with my tried-and-trusted policy of covering conferences
from as far away as possible, I glazed over about five minutes into the
speech before turning the sound off and wandering into the kitchen to
make a cup of coffee.
It didn’t look much better on mute, so I started switching channels.
Gordon was up against Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em, on UK Gold.
If you want to see some accident-prone retard, 30 years out of date,
stumbling from one fiasco to another, Frank Spencer wins hands down.
It’s good news week
And finally, ITV says it will have to drop local news bulletins. It
can't afford its 'public service' commitments.
Frankly, regional news on both BBC and ITV is a disgrace - consisting of
on-the-cheap, lazy rehashes of stories nicked out of the newspapers,
free puffs for movies, or a contrived 'local' angle on something in the
news nationally or internationally.
In London, 'news' always seems to involve either another tedious report
on 'racism' or a youth with gelled hair in an open-necked shirt reading
out the latest press release from City Hall.
The days when local TV newsrooms were staffed by proper reporters with
real news-gathering experience are long gone.
If they're not back at the same time tomorrow, no one will miss them.
http://www.dailymai
Trumpet-Taliban.
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