Gordon Brown's control freak enforcer and his 'cappuccino and soup'
instruction manual for civil servants
By Brendan Carlin
Last updated at 10:00 PM on 15th November 2008
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Gordon Brown's new Cabinet enforcer has issued an astonishing 11-page
document to civil servants spelling out exactly how they should treat
him.
In a series of detailed instructions that would embarrass the most
demanding showbiz diva, Cabinet Office Minister Liam Byrne tells
officials precisely what types of coffee he likes, and just when the
drink should be served; exactly how his office should be laid out, with
papers arranged just so; and how his diary must be cleared by Thursday
evening so he can return to his constituency home for the weekend.
The document, modestly entitled Working With Liam Byrne, reads like a
script from the BBC’s political sitcom The Thick Of It about the
farcical control-freakery of New Labour in power.
Demanding: Cabinet Office Minister Liam Byrne is particular about what
he drinks, and when
Demanding: Cabinet Office Minister Liam Byrne is particular about what
he drinks, and when
Mr Byrne’s list of do’s and don’ts declares: ‘Coffee/Lunch. I’m addicted
to coffee. I like a cappuccino when I come in, an espresso at 3pm and
soup at 12.30-1pm.
‘The room should be cleared before I arrive in the morning. I like the
papers set out in the office before I get in. The white boards should be
cleared.’
‘If I see things that are not of acceptable quality, I will blame you.’
On briefings for questions, he orders officials to tell him ‘not what
you think I should know but you expect I will get asked’.
Mr Byrne, 38, even dictates what font size briefing notes should be in
(a rather large 16 point), and insists that they should take up no more
than one sheet of paper.
He also warns staff: ‘Never put anything to me unless you understand it
and can explain it to me in 60 seconds,’ and he goes on: ‘I am often not
very clear or my writing is illegible. If I’m in the middle of thinking
about something, I might ask you to come back – don’t be put off by
this.’
Byrne, who was last month promoted to the Cabinet, where he is
responsible for co-ordinating Government departments, has a near
obsession with manipulating the media.
He tells his officials: ‘We need to produce a grid . . . outlining [the]
story of the week. Once something has been slotted into a grid, my
expectation is it will be delivered. Moving something from a grid slot
is a very, very big deal.’
Key messages must be set out in ‘big speeches’ and repeated at ‘every,
repeat every, opportunity’.
He says he has an ‘open door’ policy – but it is hard to know when civil
servants could see him. ‘It’s your job to keep me to time. It’s rude for
me to draw meetings to a close. I like 10 minute then 5 minute warnings.
You need to know what I’m doing next.’
The manual is so full of New Labour-speak that parts are
incomprehensible. ‘Money is the root of all progress. Finance are [sic]
a vital part of the initiation conversations.’
Mr Byrne is particular about his work-life balance. ‘I have a young
family and a constituency that I am passionate about.’
Enlarge graphic.jpg
For that reason, he says, he does not take Ministerial red boxes home –
and expects to be at his Midlands home by Thursday night.
He describes his week as: ‘Mondays, arrive London around 3-4ish, 8pm
dinner with colleagues. I tend to try and finish up Thursday night.’
Speeches are a ‘huge burden, so we don’t do lots’.
‘Given the limited time I’m in the office, there is a huge premium on
managing the workflow. Sunday is a sacrosanct family day.’
Contacting him out of hours is not easy. ‘BlackBerry best. Fax to
constituency office/home if not urgent. Never rely on me looking at
text/email.’
He must not be pestered with endless requests to make speeches or attend
conferences. ‘I prefer to get out there on my own terms rather than
respond to invites,’ he says haughtily.
His ‘rules for quotes’ demand a soundbite for every occasion. ‘The
precise words you use are crucial. Officials use language that is more
appropriate for a dinner party than a newspaper. Insert at least one
element from the key message sheet.
‘If you wouldn’t use the words to a friend over coffee or in the pub,
then DON’T USE THEM.’
He adds: ‘Eliminate absolutely, positively all extraneous words,’ which
seems to contradict itself.
However, he does show some interest in maintaining the morale of his
staff. He states: ‘Team things. Let’s try and get dinner and drinks in
asap.’
Tory MP Philip Davies said: ‘This is not a briefing note for civil
servants – it’s a briefing note for slaves. Making sure the Minister
gets his cappuccino on time and his soup piping hot is apparently more
important than how the country is being run.’
Last night, a spokesman for Mr Byrne said the manual was written in 2006
when he was a Home Office Minister.
‘He is a highly efficient Minister but has become more flexible since
then. Some days, he has his soup at 1.30pm.’
Find this story at www.dailymail.
Browns-control-
servants.html
Sunday, 16 November 2008
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