Mushrooms
Paul Eidelberg
http://freeman.org/serendipity/index.php?/archives/394-MUSHROOMS.html#extended
Molecular biologists contend that man is descended from mushrooms . Believe it . Some mushrooms have evolved into politicians . They flourish in Israel . Ever seen such bland politicians?
Because mushrooms lack chlorophyll, the’re destitute of color, and, like Israeli prime ministers, they crumble under the slightest pressure .
Mushrooms, of course, are fungi, and many reproduce by asexual means . That’s pretty much the case of Israeli politicians: Israel ’s system of proportional representation produces an abundance of sterile politicians .
Some mushrooms are deadly . They're called "toadstools . " A weird assortment of such fungi populated Israel 's Knesset . The head of the Knesset's most numerous fungi forms Israel 's cabinet .
Like a toadstool, with its umbrella-shaped cap, the cabinet caps the most ill-assorted fungi . Prime Minister Ehud Olmert has been classified as coprinus comatus, the Latin designation of a Horsetail Mushroom .
As for Israel ’s President, Shimon Peres, he’s been classified as primus peresitis . Incidentally, Peres is the one mushroom or toadstool that almost succeeded in reproducing himself in Yossi Beilin, who is retiring from politics .
Now, as every housewife knows, poisonous as well as eatable mushrooms (boletus edulis) grow in dark and dingy places and require no cultivation . Also—and this will remind the reader of Israel 's political elites—mushrooms have no roots but swelled heads . Of course, their heads are vacuous .
It’s laughable when sterile, mushroomed Israeli politicians engage in diplomatic intercourse with Arabs, the most prolific race on earth . Arabs are not fluff balls . Their roots go deep . Poisonous or otherwise, they are not bloodless . Indeed, they exult in blood, which is why the knife has ever been a symbol of Arab manliness .
Juxtapose anemic politicians like Olmert and Peres . These political mushrooms seek only "peace," meaning comfortable self-preservation .
Another aspect of mushrooms is their randomness . As any honest political scientist knows, randomness is a basic characteristic of democratic societies . The chance aggregation of individuals, each pursuing his own interests, is the hallmark of democracy . Which means that democracies tend to produce random men—human mushrooms . Democracies therefore worship change . Enter Barack Obama .
Like Obama , Israel 's political elites oppose tradition . Education Minister Yuli Tamir wants to transform Israel into “a state of its citizens,” i . e . , a multicultural mushroom society . Public school curriculums have been revised to encourage children to eat mushrooms . Eateries featuring mushroom-topped pizzas may soon receive special tax breaks and even subsidies . Nor is this all .
Israel's media portray Arab rulers as mushroom-lovers differing not at all from their Jewish counterparts . Prompted by Shimon Peres, the Ministry of Agriculture has shipped five hundred tons of mushrooms to Mahmoud Abbas as a goodwill gesture prior to releasing 500 Arab terrorists . Abbas promptly distributed these mushrooms to Arabs suffering from malnutrition .
Inspired by multicultural mushrooms like Olmert, Livni, and Yuli Tamir, the government introduced a bill in the Knesset to replace the Star of David in Israel 's flag with a mushroom! In the ensuing parliamentary debate, the color of the mushroom became the focus of controversy . If white, the mushroom would require a colored background . Livni proposed a pink mushroom . "We do need some color," she exclaimed . "Besides, pink will endear Israel to the Socialist International . "
Yuli Tamir objected . She preferred a gray mushroom on a grey background . "After all," she pontificated, "since we are trying to blend into the Arab world, we must teach Israeli youth not to make black-and-white distinctions . "
The moral of this story is that the enemy doesn’t need nuclear weapons for Israel to disappear in a mushroom cloud .
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