USA
Dear American liberals, leftists, social and secular progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile; attribute it to irreconcilable differences, and go our own ways.
Here is a proposed dissolution agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass, each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part; but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement.
After that it should be relatively easy; our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges, ACORN, the ACLU, and Cindy Sheehan.
Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (you are, however, responsible for finding a greenie hybrid vehicle big enough to move them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, GLBT's, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan Hockey Moms, greedy CEO's, and Rednecks. We'll keep the Torah/Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .
You can make nice with Iran ,Palestine ,and France , and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or our own way of life are under assault, we'll do What Ever It Takes. Remember that - "W.E.I.T."
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian Values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every hybrid and pedal-car you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing Doctors ("practicing doctors," Howard Dean) who will follow you to your turf. We'll continue to believe healthcare is not an entitlement.
We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. You can have Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, and We Are the World.
We'll practice trickledown economics, and you can give trickle up poverty its best shot.
You can have Al Gore and the global warming hoax.
Since it often so offends you we'll keep our History, our Name, and our Flag.
In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you an ANWAR on who will need whose help in 15 years.
PS: Please take Barbra Streisand !