That's it in a nutshell - er nutcase.
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PRIVATE EYE 1230 20.2- 5.3.09
Gordon Brown - an Apology for our previous Apology
In recent weeks, we , along with other newspapers published an
apology to the Prime Minister, Mr Gordon Brown, for suggesting that
he was a financial incompetent who lacked the basic economic skills
even to run a retail outlet purveying whelks.
In pour apology we were happy to make it clear that we regarded Mr
Brown as a financial genius who had saved the world and we withdrew
all our previous allegations.
In the light of this week's news we would now like to apologise for
this apology , recognising that Mr Brown is by no means a financial
genius as we suggested but is, in the contrary, a financial
incompetent scarcely capable of a career as a vendor of shellfish.
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RECESSION WATCH
Good News Continues to signal Disaster
Economists say the news that house-prices have risen for the first
time in a year and retail sales were up in January are the clearest
signals that the recession is gathering pace at a frightening speed.
"It has to be said that these figures are frighteningly good," said
Roger Spectacles from the Institute for talking to Sophie Ray worth
on A Big Screen. "and there is no clearer indicator of a rapidly
deteriorating economy than figures showing that bits of the economy
aren't rapidly deteriorating after all". (Reuters)
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DOWN TURN GLOSSARY
A Recesssion is:
Two quarters of negative growth in the economy.
A Depresssion is:
Four quarters of negative growth in the economy.
A Great Recesssion is:
Two halves of the England football team.
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HEADLINES "GLOOMIEST SINCE YESTERDAY"
by Our Economics Staff - Phil Job-Centre
Britain's headlines were officially declared as "0depressing" after
they had been gloomy for two quarters running.
"Yesterday's headlines were lowering enough" said a Treasury
spokesman, " but today's have hit a new level of misery. The fears
are that tomorrow's will be the worst since records began" he
continued.
"There are no signs of less depressing headlines and it may be years
before we see any sort of recovery in (Cont. p 94)
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THOSE DEPRESSING HEADLINES IN FULL
== "Recession worst since 1980s" says IMF
== "Recession worst since second world war" says CBI
== "Recession worst since 1920s" says Treasury
== "Recession worst since Black Death" says Balls
== "Recession worst since Dark Ages" says Darling
== "Recession worst since Great Flood Destroyed Life on Earth " says
Mervyn King
== "Government worst since Beginning of Time" says everyone.
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