Britannia Radio

HAG SAMAECH - HAPPY PURIM!

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A Purim Proposal

Prof. Paul Eidelberg

Countless Jews complain about the ineptitude of Israeli governments, whether headed by the Labor Party, Kadima, or the Likud. Hence the present writer, having made an exhaustive study of Israel and its Jewish politicians, and having examined the agendas of America’s leading Zionist organizations, hereby confidently offers the only possible solution to Israel’s decrepit and perilous state of affairs. I propose that the people of Israel hire Gentiles to run their Government!

Preposterous you say? But what can be more preposterous than the Jews who have been in charge if Israel’s Government, especially since Menachem Begin? Would a Gentile Prime Minister surrender the Sinai with its Israeli-developed Alma oil fields, air bases, and 15 billion dollar infrastructure for whatAnwar Sadat scornfully called a “piece of paper”? Of course not!

And what about Begin’s successors, especially Yitzhak Rabin, Simon Peres, Ehud Barak, Ariel Sharon, Ehud Olmert, and Benjamin Netanyahu? Would any Gentile Prime Minister yield the strategic assets of Judea and Samaria to the Palestinian Authority, whose leaders teach Arab children to exalt and emulate suicide bombers? Ridiculous!

Would any Gentile Prime Minister even think of giving up the Golan Heights and its water resources to a military despotism like Syria, the home of ten terrorist groups? Absurd!

Would Gentile Prime Ministers release and arm tens of thousands of Arab terrorists to provide for their country’s security? Nonsense!

Would any Gentile Prime Minister release more than 400 Arab terrorists in exchange for the corpses of three Jewish soldiers plus one Israeli known to have collaborated with Hezbollah? Madness!

Gentiles are not fools. Some may preach “love your enemy,” “turn the other cheek,” “resist not evil.” But only stupid Jewish prime ministers practice these apolitical and suicidal precepts. Frankly, I never heard of a Gentile counterpart to Shimon Peres who has obviously succumbed to senile dementia. I’m well aware that Nero fiddled while Rome burned, but unlike Peres, who raised money for the PLO, Nero knew he was fiddling and that Rome was burning.

Actually, my proposal to hire Gentiles to run Israel’s Government is not original. It was suggested to me by a learned rabbi, who is a successful business man and who lived in Israel many years. He assured me that if Gentiles were hired to operate the Government of Israel, the country could relax and prosper beyond the fondest dreams of old-time Zionists. Let me explain.

With a Gentile Government in Jerusalem, anti-Semitism will cease and, with it, the raison d’être of the United Nations. (Good riddance!) With Gentiles in charge of the country, CNN and BBC will stop bashing Israel, the New York Times close down, and Ha’aretz, Israel’s NYT, will go bankrupt.

Further, with Gentiles running Israel’s Government, all foreign embassies will move from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, with the US leading the pack. The Arab ambition to annihilate Israel will be a thing of the past. A genuine Middle East peace process will be concluded and without trampling on the White House lawn.

(By the way, once Gentiles take over Israel’s Government, Shimon Peres will be retired from politics. (Mazel Tov!) And Barak Hussein Obama will become the bootblack of Saudi King Abdulla! (Sorry Michelle.)

Meanwhile, with Gentiles like Steve Forbes and Bill Gates in charge of the Government, capital investment in Israel by Jews and non-Jews alike will abound. A flat tax will be introduced and Jews will flock to the Land of Milk and Honey. In ten years the Galut will cease to exist, and Jews will fill the country.

As a consequence, while many Arab citizens of Israel will emigrate, many will convert to Judaism. (Of course, they will insist on Halachic conversion.) Much the same may be said of the Palestinian Arabs, for with a Gentile Government in Jerusalem, Jewish towns and villages in Judea and Samaria expand enormously and Jews will return to Gaza—a Gaza emptied of Hamas.

Moreover, the conflict between secular and religious Jews will subside. After all, that conflict is very much a struggle for control of the Government. But with Gentiles at the helm, secular and religious Jews will have much less to fight about (especially after Tzippi Livni immigrates to Boro Park). Finally, given the birthrate of religious Jews, Israel will soon become a truly Jewish state efficiently run by Gentiles.

There is one potential flaw in this entire proposal. Suppose Gentiles in charge of the Government decide to become Jews! That would be a tragedy of the first magnitude. Hence, Gentiles hired to operate Israel’s Government must first sign a solemn contract stipulating they will not convert to Judaism. Heaven forbid that Jews should resume control of the Jewish state!

Purim Sameach!