Hey diddle diddle, they're all on the fiddle
The Government has been ordered to drop two adverts based on nursery rhymes which exaggerated the risks of so-called 'global warming'.
Jack and Jill and Rub-a-Dub-Dub had been rewritten to warn children about the inevitability of flooding and droughts caused by 'man-made climate change'.
But the Advertising Standards Agency said they amounted to scaremongering and didn't reflect the growing scepticism over claims that the planet is heating up.
One of the ads, from the Department of Energy (which has now tacked 'And Climate Change' on to its title) read:
'Jack and Jill went up the hill, To fetch a pail of water, There was none as extreme weather due to climate change had caused a drought.'
OK, so it doesn't scan and isn't true. But what do you expect when you ask civil servants to write nursery rhymes?
Just in case the message hadn't got through, they appended the following warning: 'extreme weather conditions such as flooding, heat waves and storms will become more frequent and intense.'
Despite the fact that the world has actually got cooler this century, mounting evidence that 'climate change' is a myth, and the revelation that alleged 'experts' in the field have been fiddling the figures to fit their theories, the hysteria goes on.
Using taxpayers' money to pay for indoctrination of very young children is just the latest arrow in the warmists' quiver of deception.
It also got me wondering what other nursery rhymes could be updated ...
The Grand old Duke of York, He had 10,000 men.
But he told the Chilcot inquiry he would have had 20,000, if Gordon Brown hadn't cut defence spending.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
So they took him to an NHS hospital, where he caught MRSA and died.
As I was going to St Ives, I met a man with seven wives.
He said he'd come from Somalia,
And was now living on benefits in a £2.5 million townhouse in Kensington.
London Bridge is falling down, Falling down, falling down,
London Bridge is falling down,
Because of the Tory cuts under Boris Johnson.
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe, She had so many children by a number of absentee fathers, So the council knocked two houses into one and bought her a plasma TV.
Hey diddle diddle They're all on the fiddle, They claimed it was within the rules.
Four of them had their collars felt for fraud, But the rest ran away with the money.
Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town, Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown.
Trying escape the lynch mob who think he's a paedophile.
When they catch him they'll string him up, the dirty nonce.
Polly put the kettle on, Polly put the kettle on, 'Do it yourself, you sexist pig, 'I've got to write a column about Labour investment in public services.'
Jack Sprat would eat no fat, His wife would eat no lean,
So social services took away their children and put them in a home.
The farmer's in his den, The farmer's in his den,
Ee, eye, addio, He's going to shoot himself.
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard, To get her poor doggie a bone.
When she got there, it was groaning with oven chips, turkey twizzlers, bumper bags of crisps and lashings of fizzy drinks.
But there weren't any bones because elf 'n' safety had threatened to prosecute the butcher if he didn't stop selling them.
Hot cross buns! Hot cross buns!
Have been taken of the shelves by the diversity department, In case they offend Muslims.
Ding dong bell, Pussy's in the well, Who'll pull him out?
It's no good asking one of those community support officers. They haven't been trained for it.
Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep, And doesn't know where to find them.
That's because the Government slaughtered them and threw their carcasses on to a bonfire during the foot and mouth panic.
Here we go round the Mulberry Bush, The Mulberry Bush, the Mulberry Bush,
Here we go round the Mulberry Bush, at eight o'clock in the morning.
It's open all hours, you can get a six-pint jug of lager for a fiver and they've got lapdancing at lunchtimes.
Tom, Tom, the piper's son, Stole a pig and away did run.
But he got let off with an Asbo, And now he's doing burglary and dealing drugs.
Three blind mice, three blind mice, See how they run, see how they run.
This ward's been crawling with mice since the NHS contracted out the cleaning.
Rub-a-dub-dub, Three men in a tub, And who do you think they be?
They're all consenting adults and they got a grant for it from the council.
Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross, To see a drunken young lady swear herself hoarse.
Tattoos on her fingers and rings through her nose. And an iPod for music wherever she goes.
Doctor Foster went to Gloucester,
But when he got there
He found they'd already given the job to a foreign GP who can't speak English.
George Porgie, pudding and pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry,
Now he's on the sexual offenders' register.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1259057/RICHARD-LITTLEJOHN-Hey-diddle-diddle-theyre-fiddle.html#ixzz0ioGApsLB
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