That sickening sound you hear from the direction of Westminster is the collective squeal of wounded self-pity as the gravy train is derailed and bodies cascade down the embankment. Up to 200 MPs are reported to be preparing to give up their first-class seats in the Commons because they're no longer allowed to fiddle their expenses. What's stopping them? I'm told Rio is very nice at this time of the year, with the added advantage that there's no extradition treaty. Apology: Former minister Tony McNulty claimed almost £50,000 from the taxpayer by pretending his parents' house was his 'second' home If there was any justice, several of these 'honourable' members would already have had their collars felt. Their only way out would have been to do a Ronnie Biggs and have it away on their toes. Take the bold Tony McNulty, who claimed almost £50,000 from the taxpayer by pretending his parents' house was his 'second' home. Yesterday he was forced to apologise to the House of Commons for his, er, mistake. At least he had the good sense to feign contrition, unlike former Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, the lying crook who blagged £116,000 by designating her sister's spare bedroom as her 'main' address. McNulty will have to repay £13,000 of his ill-gotten gains. Jackboot Jacqui, inexplicably, gets to keep the lot. We are supposed to accept that McNulty's apology to the House should be the end of the matter. In the weasel words of New Labour's favourite cliche of self-forgiveness, it is 'time to move on'. Sorry, old son. But you don't get to decide that. The voters of Harrow will have their say on whether McNulty is truly contrite and whether, in his own estimation, he is guilty of little more than an error of judgment. His tortuous, self-serving statement was nauseating. Despite saying he apologised 'without reservation', he still tried to hide behind the excuse that he was only acting within 'the rules'. How many times have we heard that mealy-mouthed justification trotted out over the past few months? For the record, even the infinitely flexible rules stated that MPs could claim only for expenses 'wholly and exclusively' incurred in pursuance of their Parliamentary duties. McNulty maintains he was only acting within the advice given to him by Commons officials. Really? Did he actually tell them that he was claiming thousands of pounds towards his parents' house? And if so, which bit of that was 'wholly and exclusively' in connection with his duties as an MP? Even if the Fees Office did give him the thumbs-up, McNulty must have known what he was doing was thoroughly dishonest. The big problem here is that MPs made the rules, they appointed the officials who supervised the system, as well as the parliamentary commissioner who is supposed to investigate and punish any abuses. At every stage, those charged with enforcing the rules were bought and paid for. They owe their jobs and pensions to the patronage of the very people they were supposed to be keeping in line, which is why the likes of McNulty have escaped with a slap on the wrist, instead of being led away in handcuffs. Jacqui Smith pocketed £116,000 by designating her sister's spare bedroom as her 'main' address. McNulty should have been making his statement from the dock of a packed Number One Court at the Old Bailey, not to a smattering of sympathetic fellow suspects in the chamber of the Commons. Only a handful of MPs bothered turning up to hear McNulty's apologia, which gives you some idea how seriously they take the wholesale theft of public money. Most of them think they've got away with it - and most of them are right. But the internal rules of any organisation, up to and including the House of Commons, do not trump the law of the land. There is prima facie evidence against any number of MPs of criminal offences under the Theft Act 1968 and the laws against obtaining pecuniary advantage by deception. Police are still confident that criminal charges can be brought against a handful of the worst offenders - primarily former fisheries minister Elliott Morley, who pocketed thousands of pounds' interest against a mortgage which had long since been paid off. Andrew Mackay, the Tory MP who claimed for a second home which didn't exist, shouldn't leave home without his toothbrush, either. But even if the police do establish a firm case against an MP, it will still have to go to the Director of Public Prosecutions, the Labour stooge Keir Starmer. Don't bank on him bringing charges against one of his own. In other developments, the new Speaker, John Bercow, has ruled that there will be no action taken against MPs and ministers who 'flipped' their addresses to maximise their expenses and avoid Capital Gains Tax - which is convenient, since he's one of the most prominent 'flippers'. That shouldn't, in theory, stop the Revenue going after the most blatant tax avoiders, who include the Chancellor Alistair Darling. Yet again, though, Darling is technically the head of the Revenue, so the chances of him being brought to book are pretty remote. The whole system stinks. Anyone in any other walk of life who stole on a grand scale from their employer would be sacked and sentenced to a serious stretch in prison. Typically, behind the pious words of the party leaders, Westminster has simply closed ranks and acted as its own judge and jury. It has been left to Sir Christopher Kelly to shut the stable door after the expenses horse has bolted. But his modest recommendations for curbing this long-running racket are the reason those 200 MPs are spitting the dummy and threatening to resign their seats in protest. Instead of throwing an indignant wobbly, they should be thanking their lucky stars they've got away with it for so long. They might as well jump before they're pushed. The gravy train has been cancelled. According to a recently discovered diary, hostilities were temporarily suspended during World War I while soldiers in the trenches exchanged insults instead of whizz-bangs and bullets. It's a pity it didn't catch on. Imagine if all wars could be settled by trading abuse. Instead of planting roadside bombs, Al Qaeda could simply screech: 'Death to the dirty Infidel running dogs of Great Satan and their painted whores!' British and German soldiers exchanged pleasantries across the trenches And rather than rake them with rapid fire, Allied troops could respond with: 'Oi, Ali Baba, go and make love to a camel!' Or words to that effect. It probably wouldn't pass muster with the diversity brigade, but it would beat the hell out of body bags. In Watford, parents have been banned from entering a playground with their own children because they haven't been 'checked' by police to ensure that they are not paedophiles. What kind of sick society considers every adult a potential child molester? There are now 11 million people on the Government's Stalinist 'child protection' database. These days it costs you £70 for a certificate to prove you're not a nonce. Whatever happened to the presumption of innocence? The justification for putting everyone on a register is the hackneyed 'if it saves one life' defence. But it won't save a single life. Most children killed or assaulted in high-profile cases are already identified as being at risk and their killers invariably have previous. Baby P died under the noses of social workers while in the care of his druggie mother and a sadistic psychopath with a criminal history. The two little girls in Soham were murdered by a sexual predator well-known to police, but no one checked his records properly. Only this week, Ashleigh Hall died after being lured to a secret meeting over Facebook. A registered sex attacker who was supposed to have been under constant monitoring has now been charged with her murder. In almost every one of these cases, the victims have died because of the criminal negligence and incompetence of those paid to protect them. Meanwhile, parents and volunteers who work with children in sports clubs and scout troops are labelled potential paedophiles and forced to submit to humiliating background checks. It's time the state scrapped this disgraceful hounding of the innocent. The authorities should stop seeing phantom child molesters on every corner and concentrate on those they do know about. That might save more than one life. Supermarkets seem to take leave of their senses when it comes to proof of identity and elf 'n' safety. Asda in Aberdeen refused to sell Mail reader Chris Pether two individual lemons. A supervisor explained that the policy had been introduced to protect the public because local yobs had been known to throw lemons at people. Bitter: Asda refused to serve a pensioner two lemons amid reports yobs had been throwing them at innocent people You can still buy lemons in packs of ten because they are smaller and therefore less dangerous. Also, a ten-pack is apparently too expensive for your average Aberdonian oik. Incidentally, Chris is 70. You couldn't make it up. * More than one million people will lose their final-salary pensions over the next five years. Companies have been forced to close similar schemes as a result of Gordon Brown's £100 million raid on pension funds and the collapse in share prices. Meanwhile, Gordon himself can look forward to a £116,000, gold-plated, index-linked pension when he's finished wrecking the economy, on top of any other lucrative perks, directorships and international sinecures which come his way. Just thought I'd mention it.Spare us the squeals of self-pity. The gravy train is cancelled
Last updated at 8:29 AM on 30th October 2009More from Richard Littlejohn...
World War diaries reveal banter between enemy troops
This lunacy won't save a single child's life
Asda refused to sell Mail reader, 70, two lemons after reports of yobs throwing them at people
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1223966/RICHARD-LITTLEJOHN-Spare-squeals-self-pity-The-gravy-train-cancelled.html#ixzz0VYCFqvIU
Saturday, 31 October 2009
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