Britannia Radio

I am slightly baffled about WHY he has been given this honour.  
Nobody seems to be able to explain why!

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NEWS OF THE WORLD    1.3.09
Brown's Congress Address
Fraser NelsonPolitics: Brown's Congress address Saturday, February 28

NEXT week, Gordon Brown will become one of only five British Prime 
Ministers invited to speak to the US Congress.

So how to strike the right note? In a spirit of citizenship, I have 
written a draft here for the speech he should give . .

"Thank you Mr President for your generous introduction. I'm impressed 
that you delivered it with a straight face.

Let's drop the pretence. I'm no conquering hero, but a doomed PM 
trying to postpone an election I know I'll lose.

That's life. Last autumn, I was a hero who "saved the world". Now I'm 
seen as some jinxed Nick Leeson, a serial bank killer.

How did this happen? If you want to learn something, I'll tell you. 
Because you can't afford to repeat my mistakes.

At home, I'm not known for saying sorry. But I thought on the plane 
over: who am I kidding? Who doesn't know?

I was Chancellor since 1997. I wasn't just at the scene of the crime, 
but wrote the script and cast the actors. I knighted the bankers, 
taxed all their bonuses. And now I have to pretend to be shocked at 
what went on.

So I say to you today quite simply, in the words of your president: 
"I screwed up". And let me tell you just how much.

There's a scene from that film Rogue Trader where the anti-hero 
screams "I, Nicholas Leeson, have just lost £15 million in one day."

Well I, James Gordon Brown, am adding £15 million to my country's 
national debt every hour. That's £120 per household per week.
It should have been so different. But I realise now that my genius 
contained five deadly sins.

I RAIDED the pension funds. Didn't think anyone would notice. Turns 
out 20
million pensioners did - and they all vote.

I designed a USELESS banking regulatory system, about as effective as 
asking a nun to referee a boxing match.

I badly UNDERFUNDED the military. So we lost men, we lost Basra and 
are now going nowhere in Afghanistan.

I then FLOODED the economy with cheap debt, hoping people would feel 
rich and vote for me before it went pop.

Finally I RUSHED to nationalise the banks before working out what I 
was buying. I let them fleece the taxpayer.

You can say it's poetic justice. I bullied my way into No10, forcing 
Tony Blair out. No one outside Fife has ever cast a vote for me. But 
I did this all for the very best of reasons. I genuinely believed my 
way would lead to a fairer, safer, better-run Britain.

Like so many, I was spellbound by banking profits. I didn't ask 
questions, and spent the tax receipts.

I'm not going to stand here and blame it all on the sub-prime market 
in Idaho. The dodgy thinking wasn't American, but Scottish.

I came to this great country 15 years ago to learn from the Clinton 
era. I was full of hope. But I placed my hope in government, not the 
people.

So I say most sincerely to you: don't try this at home. For this path 
leads to debt, misery, ignominy and - ultimately - electoral defeat.

Thank you and God Bless America. And you if you have any after-dinner 
speaking gigs from June 2010, please see my agent Lord Levy."